I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
