I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
