Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize