U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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