Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You are a genius and a whore.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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