i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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