ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize