Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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