dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
