We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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