all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
