Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
