so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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