p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude i'm inner monologue high
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
