OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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