Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
