You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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