I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
