just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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