Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
