call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
