Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
