There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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