look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
