there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
