I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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