u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
