So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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