I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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