i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
