i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
