I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
