Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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