Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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