peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He passed out mid-signature
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
