Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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