Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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