so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
