but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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