You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
