That's when you crack a 10am beer
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
