dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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