Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
