Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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