Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
