Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Text me some of your sweat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
