why didn't you poke me back
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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