I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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