anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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