She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
