Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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