Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
