I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
