He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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