Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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