She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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