Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
