no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
