You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
handjob tips. give me some.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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