if you like me you must not know who I am
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
