Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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