I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm like, not good at living.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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