My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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